SHADOW WORK + WOMB HEALING

 

By Valerie S.

After experiencing a traumatic childhood with an authoritarian parent, and a "best friend" parent, I frolicked into college and early adulthood with poor boundaries, poor judgment of what the "real world" looks like, and a backwards view of relationships with others and my own body. Recent trauma stirred up what sitting dust lay dormant over the decades, and I experienced a feeling of loss of control, and lost my sense of self (actually, I ask myself, did I ever have a sense of self? the questioning runs thick). 

I found Britt on social media, always loving her posts and resonating deeply with them. After recent events I felt a pull to her, deeper and deeper, to help me upon my journey and my healing process. 

First let me say, I am extremely volatile and hyper sensitive individual. I have deep trust issues and can be extremely "snappy" if I don't like the energy I'm feeling from a person, or circumstance. When I first arrived at Britt's home, it felt like Home. My entire Being relaxed, instantaneously. I felt safe. This was huge. 

We eased into the session by fire in her yard. I loved this because it allowed me space to feel things out, get grounded with my barefoot in the dirt, and it gave her time to get a better sense of what was going on with me energetically. 

Once I felt my self start to open up, there was my good old friend- flighty anxiety and discomfort. That familiar uncomfortable tremor jolted through my body, but instead of fighting Her, or putting my mind or body to something "busy" I had to lay with these feelings and hold space for them. At times my body was violently quivering in a manner I didn't want to contain. I wanted to unleash everything I felt had been held in for decades, re-stirred by my recent trauma, Britt put her hands on me and told me to contain.

She felt around my lower abdomen, and firmly planted a palm on my rib cage. It took multiple "episodes" in our sitting, but each time I became more and more aware of what was going on in my body. Each time I felt this safe peacefulness to surrender to the anger and fire within and water it with compassion and awareness. I started to ripple between tremors and hissing, and laying in grounded, stillness and peace. It was uncomfortable and yet extremely comforting simultaneously.

These parts of me, to be brought to surface, to be moved up and moved out of my Being, these places of trauma and pain, that I carry and hold within, I realized I don't need to hold onto them any longer. With her guidance, I see it is possible to feel these things, acknowledge them, and let them go. It doesn't mean they're gone after the first time. Or the second. Or the third or so on and so forth... but the ability to transmute it every time it comes up and is present, into surrender and letting go. One breath at a time. One minute at a time, in every minute as it is unfolding. 

For anyone that can relate to people pleasing, perfectionism, codependency, difficulty in attention span, and anxiety/panic, I couldn't recommend her enough. I genuinely felt zero judgment with Britt, and felt completely safe to "spill" everything in me that needed spilling, to make space for healthier self-love and self-care.